Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
There are two theories to arguing with a woman... neither works.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.
There are three kinds of men: ones that learn by reading, few who learn by observation, and the rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
Lettin' the cat outta' the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.
And finally: After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him... The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.